I am and always have been a strong believer of human kindness and today I have been rewarded for my belief of this long, lost trait... In a moment of stupidity I dropped my wallet in a taxi on the way home tonight, unfortunately for me I had 2 credit cards, 2 debit cards, UK driver's license (i'm in Hong Kong), HK ID card, China ID card, registered Octopus card (the HK equivalent of the Oyster card in the UK), about HK$300 and some other sentimental stuff inside it...

I was livid. I've never dropped my wallet before and it is a terrible feeling. My whole identity was in there for the taking and it was out there in the wild... after all my huffing and puffing and tantrums, I finally settled down to call up the various hotlines to cancel this card and that... cursing profoundly at myself for such a stupid occurance.

and then I got a phonecall from the police telling me they had my wallet

I was so happy and relieved. Apparantly a Mr Chan had taken the taxi after me and found my wallet, then took it to the police station (at 1am no less). Which just goes to show that this world still has some good people left. I got there shortly after he had left, so I couldn't thank him personally. But I do thank him from the bottom of my heart. I know that if I myself ever found a wallet on the street, I would take it to the police too and I am so glad that someone else out there has done this tonight. It just goes to show that the milk of human kindness is still out there and I hope that it continues to flow.

Thank you Mr Chan, wherever you may be. 

i don't know what's wrong... how many times have i said that lately? it seems everything stems from that fundamental statement... none of the decisions i make seem to be the correct ones... why? what am i doing wrong? i don't understand... all i know is that i am feeling a deep pain within and it's something not physical... i wish it would go away, but it won't and i don't know how to make it go away...

...a lot of problems have arisen from me being social, so i guess the only solution is to withdraw and hide, lock myself away and throw away the key... i've been progressively becoming more and more miserable and while i plummet into the dark recesses of self-pity, i sigh.

"what have i done?"

there's only one way out of this darkness but yet, she is the one i have upset...

i don't know how to fix this, but i really wish it to be fixed.... : (

*edit: i guess it was a matter of me being me... so for this to be fixed, i just have to not be me for a while... see how that works out... 

As I continue walking this path before me, I know that I must keep going. There is a light up ahead which seems to offer a glimmer of hope in this darkness that has engulfed me. I feel a shadowy hand stroking my heart, tugging it downwards, coercing me to a comforting despair. As I walk towards the light, it feels as though the light is forever fading, and even though I move closer, the light moves ever further...
... ... ... ... my walk falters, winding down to a stumble... if i stop, the darkness will claim me and I will be lost forever, so there is nothing else for me to do, but to keep on shuffling toward that tiny glimmer and hope it becomes more than that...

i just don't get it... how can the person you love turn so visciously cold in the blink of an eye? what have i done to deserve this? what have i done to have my love ripped away from me?

 i wish i could turn back time and freeze it at the moment where we were happiest... i just think back to that time and it makes me hurt inside... because it's far from that now... i'm left here, writhing to a pain that i cannot stop... not on my own anyways.

...why has it turned to this? : (

Once upon a time, there was an ice cube that lived his life as well as he could. He wasn’t a particularly smart ice cube, and he would do some rather silly things at times but that was his nature. One day, he met a bright burning flame and found that he was hit with a wave of devotion. From the moment he met the flame, he knew he had to be with her.

After a time, the flame finally let down her guard and let him get close to her and all was good. The ice cube was content; he was happy; he was elated; he was in heaven.

Then, as time grew by, the ice cube found that the flame’s heat was slowly melting him. Drop by drop he was losing more and more of himself. He knew this was a problem, but he kept his resolve; even as he was losing himself, he was gaining the greatest thing of all... love.

For a while, the ice cube found that he could maintain himself, as long as he knew it was happening, but the flame began to grow hotter, more explosive. The ice cube never knew when it was coming, and the intervals of intensity were becoming more frequent taking more of him with it. The ice cube recoiled each time it happened, tried to put up his defenses, but to no avail... he began melting at a greater rate. If he couldn't stop this, he would be nothing more than mist...
The flame didn’t mean to intensify, but she was a flame after all, and a single flame can spread into an inferno without warning. The ice cube knew this, but he could not shirk away. He knew what his heart was telling him, and he knew that he had to fight to keep his love. But as time passed, the ice cube became demoralised; nothing he did could prevent the flame from burning brighter. As he lost more and more of himself to the flame, he started to believe that the matter was hopeless.

Until…

It came to him. Despite the flame’s nature, there was a way to contain a flame! As long as the flame remained small, the heat emanating from her would be insubstantial and the ice cube wouldn’t melt! All they needed to do was to take away anything that could burn from around her; all they needed was the ice cube to douse the spreading fires.

And so they initiated their plan. Each time the flame began to burn harder, the ice cube would melt a little and the flame would allow him to douse her to stop her from becoming too volatile. The ice cube smiled inwardly, happiness had returned to him. Nothing he had done on his own could stop himself from melting away, but working together, as a whole, the flame and the ice cube did it; they had stopped the deadly heat from spreading too rapidly. Through a combination of teamwork and compromise, the two could become one, saving them and allowing their love to be the only thing that burned for each other.

And so it was, they lived, happily ever after.

The End.

Well... the ordeal is mostly over, the trauma forgotten and the scars mostly gone. The only thing left really is the capsule scan in march... so far away that i don't even think they'll find anything wrong with me... waste of time really...

Recently though, i've discovered that the PSP can run PSOne games... how cool is that? So I delved into my archives and pulled out one of my favourite games that I never completed... Parasite Eve...

It was a truly magnificent game and, at the time, it was nigh on impossible for me to beat (I got as far as this freaky ultimate being baby thing.... for anyone who remembers the game).

This was also one of the games that had the most beautiful design for the main female lead and, sad as it may be, I remember I was totally in love with Aya Brea :P

How could you not be? She was lovely (more images here)

I think my interest was re-sparked by finding the book which started it all, written by Hideaki Sena... but I've not had a chance to read it yet (I hear it's awesome though)


The game is timeless and even playing it now, it is superb and brings back all the feelings i had for this game when it first came out... and it's a billion times better than Parasite Eve 2 which played more like Resident Evil...

Seriously... If any game deserves a modern remake, it's Parasite Eve (or even a third game Square? Please? m(_ _)m ). Just imagining this game remade like Resident Evil Zero for the GameCube is making me shudder with anticipation... If it ever is released on a new gen console, it's reason enough for me to get it I can live in hope...

Next on my classic game hunt is Xenogears :P