Weekend at Bernie's 3
Remember Weekend at Bernie's?
It was hilarious. Two chaps carting around a dead body for, rather predictably, a weekend and making out he was still alive. With the high quality concept and outstanding screenplay they couldn't go wrong, but even if they had gone wrong top class comedy performers of the calibre of Andrew McCarthy and the other one were never going to disapoint. Basically everything was in place for an unbeatable comedy classic that still to this day tops many, if not a, best ever list/s.
Well obviously this smasheroo spawned the usual sequel, not to mention proposed remakes and so on. I believe Andrew Lloyd Webber is currently in talks with Ben Elton to turn it in to a West End musical.
However now comes the ultimate tribute as two zany American pensioners take there admiration of the 80's classic just that little bit too far.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,2238066,00.html
David 'Andrew McCarthy' Dalaia and James 'The Other One' O'Hare weeled their dead, partially clothed pal to the apparently named by Roadrunner shop Pay-O-Matic to cash his welfare cheque.
Police were alerted by a crowd who had gathered around the corpse in an office chair sitting patiently (as only corpses can) outside the aforementioned shop. Of course in the real Weekend at Bernies everything worked out just fine, in this Last of the Summer Wine-esque tribute act there can be only one outcome. The death penalty my friends. God bless America.
Incidentally this all took part in Hell's Kitchen. Yep the Pay-O-Matic in Hell's Kitchen, somebody has got a lot of use out of there Acme How to Name Stuff book.
Rock on you funky dog shits...
Maybe I judged you too harshly
Maybe just maybe the time is ripe for a return to 20six...
Maybe Chauncey Q has enough pent up rage and tomfoolery to return mightier than ever...
Maybe...
Or maybe not, time will tell I guess.
CQM
Oh and remember, Rock the boogie fatwa you funky dog shits!
In many ways...
...I am a small man. A small, petty man. A small, petty man who fears change. Fears change and runs from it like Jamie Lee-Curtis running from a deranged killer. Runs and hides in a closet until the deranged killer has gone.
Of course there is no killer, the killer was metaphorical representing the changes here at 20six.
Chauncey being a small, petty man, scared of change in the way Baroness Haden-Guest is scared of deranged killers, has decided to jump ship and head next door where the grass is greener and you get to wear other peoples shoes (and not just for one day either)
Of course many of you will be saying "don't give up Chauncey, that isn't the spirit that made this country great." But I'm old and weak and I'll only slow you down and so I say seeya later in the only way I know how.
(the fact that it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to post that picture tells me I'm right to leave)
Rock the boogie fatwa you funky dog shits...
After 6 Years...
... Or at any rate what seems like 6 years, Prison Break comes to an end tonight in a double whammy on (Channel) 5.
Yes Wentworth Miller, Lolly Mahal, D-Cup, T-Bag and co. are finally going to bust out of Fox River pen (I hope they are anyway) and end a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top (well to the Vice Presidents brother at least)
It's been a wild roller coaster ride involving frankly ridiculous contrivances, set back after set back, outstandingly comical lines that only the greatest actors could speak with any degree of embarresment and lots more to boot.
But at this emotional time I would like to send out a message to the writers of Prison Break.
Read this and try and make the next series a little shorter.
In other unrelated news a little know competition is about to begin in Germany. The world cup. Now I'm not going to bore you in the way I do with the Eurovision song contest (well not just yet anyway) but I would like to point out a couple of funny little tit bits.
Brazil are known, among other things, for players with just the one name. This year is no exception and travelling with the team is the forward Fred.
Portugal will also be taking a few one named wonders including the goalkeeper Quim.
And finally, Karel Poborsky is still playing international football, but he's had his hair cut since he played for Manchester United. Shame.
Rock on you funky dog shits...
I have just sent...
...The following email to Joe Cole.
Dear Mr Cole, (or may I call you Joe?)
Forgive me contacting you out of the Blue(s)* like this, but I have a business proposition for you.
As you may have guessed I am something of a joker and it has long been my aim to open a joke shop containing all manner of jokes both practical and otherwise. "Where do I come in?" I hear you thinking. Well I would like to name my shop Joe Coles Joke Hole. I would not expect any input from you as I am sure you are a very busy man, however if you do wish to bankroll my idea I would not put up much of a struggle.
If you wish to contact me to discuss this fantastic opportunity then it would be great to hear from you.
Yours CQM
*A reference to the Blues of Chelsea.
I'm now sitting back and waiting for the money to roll in...
Rock on you funky footballs!
Kriss Akabusi in Orgasm Shocker!
http://www.nyt.co.uk/kriss.akabusi.htm
Kriss Akabusi, guffawing buffoon and former motivational kids TV presenter, is accused of making an American Director orgasm. Not much is known about the case, but my informant at Lexis Nexis Butterworth Tolley assures me it happened some time around the 23rd of April 2002.
Akabusi became a motivational speaker after Roy Castle blew last taps on Record Breakers and things had been going swimmingly for Cheryl Bakers dribbling sidekick with notices like these for his, quite literally, motivational speaking.
"Outstanding the audience were spellbound" Bedfordshire Newspapers
"You made us all buzz. It was just the right impact and we are still talking about it" Anon
"We have recieved a lot of praise and thanks from the customers who attended. Some said it was the best BT event which they had attended" BT
"It (the Aksters speech) was very motivational" Learning and Skills Council, Essex
"Did exactly what it said on the tin" Police Mutual*
"Kriss held the audience for the duration. He was great!" Bright Business
"Kriss was 'right here, right now'" Bank of Scotland
Since the orgasm revelations and such many of the plaudits must be read with a new and cynically dirty mind. Not least this last one from Crawford & Company "Everyone will undoubtedly remember your enthusiasm each time they step 'in to the arena' for future challenges and 'get jiggy with change'".
I ask you honest, decent people of Great Britain, do we really need people like Kriss Akabusi motivating our depraved workforce?
I say stop Akabusi now before it's too late...
Rock on you funky motivators...
*There is no evidence that the Police Mutual put Akabusi in a tin.
Lousy gag...
Lord Haw Haw had his say against the British government during the war and look where it got him. Now Brian Haw is at it, but frankly he's only half the man...
Yes this is the news that Brian Haw, one man against a government, has had his placards swiped by the police, automatons under the control of the aforementioned government. (there's one for lazy conspiracy theorists)
Haw has been campaigning in Parliment Square (initially against sanctions against Iraq) on the grounds that he's trying to improve his childrens future. Well he's got seven (7) of the little blighters already so I'm thinking if the government knows what's good for it they'll let him stay in Parliment Square!
Rock on you funky placards...