Update for Connor

The past few months have been very stressful. Starting at a college that I hate, in a town that I hate, with people that are less than exciting. However, weekends had been wonderful, secretly sneaking off to Dom's house and spending the weekend. But... my mother found out. She does not like Dom, simply because of his age. She is warming up to him now, after many fights we have had, with her being childish and me trying to be adult. My father has lost all my respect, since all he worries about is whether or not Mother will get angry. Whats that, Dad, you have no balls? I am fighting this all by myself, Dom doesn't want to make things any worse, but I think they are getting better. He is perfect, treats me perfectly (all the time, not just when I'm near), and I cannot wait until I reach the magical age at which I will be allowed to do whatever I want. I have been told this age is 21, which seems a bit old to me, but I am doing whatever I can to be independent. Dom will stand by me, he will wait. We are in love, and it is heavenly. He has been getting job offers (he wants to be in movies, if only to get his name out there so he can be a director), and I am doing what I can to help him. I will be taking photos for his portfolio in the upcoming weeks. Better photos = better jobs. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and it feels as if my time is running up. I need to go to a different school, the current one has nothing for me, and seems to be slowly killing me.

3 Comments 20.12.05 03:07, comment

Now you know places where I would go when I couldn't grow

The past month has been amazing. He is incredible. I love him, and he actually loves me back? This is such a strange sensation, this requited love. He thinks about me always, and I him. It's all so innocent but serious at the same time. This love has been better than anything I can imagine.

 

Wait, I can think of how it could be better.

 

My parents, of course, don't know about our love. They would crucify us both. So to them, he's still just a friend. But my mother.... oh my mother. She is cruel. Since my sister moved to Japan to escape her clutches, I've decided that I cannot let that happen to me. Last night was the first time since my 18th birthday that the mother was cruel to me. I was out late, yes. But its a weekend. Dad is here on the weekends and he's usually awake. He doesn't call my cell phone to tell me to get home, he trusts me. When the mother yet again told me that she doens't trust me, I asked her why. "Because he's old" was her response. That is not a sufficient answer. I walked away.

Now I sit here, wondering if she's still angry or not. Sometimes she is, other times she has forgotten.

I would love to run away with him. I'll be at college soon. Maybe I just won't come back. but I must fight it first.

I am too in love with this boy to give up so easily.

3 Comments 31.7.05 18:23, comment

Boy oh boy.

I broke up with him. I didn't mean to do it so soon. I knew I had to, and the sooner the better. I couldn't continue on with that facade. I love someone else, and he loves me back. It had to be done.

***********************************************

The one I love broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago. For me. Or not for me. I figure if  someone is willing to break a relationship they have had for over a year for someone else, then there were problems to begin with, and there were. He wasn't having fun, she dragged him to clubs and family gatherings where he didn't feel as if he belongs. He would text me during these times to prevent himself from cracking his head open on the bathroom wall. He didn't match with her anymore.

 

I didn't match with mine anymore. We had to do something.

***********************************************

Now that our first barriers are taken down, the next is magnified. My parents.

 

I am nearly 18. He is 23.  My parents would not understand. My mother, the one who says the most inapropriate things to me at the most inappropriate times, right after I broke up with my boyfriend and was sitting in tears waiting for my best friend to come cheer me up, told me, "he's way too old if you're thinking that he's the next one."

 

Forget what you know about my love. Pretend to only know what my mother knows.

 

Her daughter just broke up with her boyfriend of almost 2 years. She is crying. Mentioning "the next one" is not the sympathetic, motherly thing to do.

***********************************************

He climbs in through my bedroom window at night. We hold each other, being silent as possible. He stays far longer than he should, its so dangerous. If we are caught, I will be banned from seeing him and my parents won't trust me anymore. But then I will go to college in the fall, an hour and a half away from home. His mom is moving to Toronto and selling the house within the next year. He does not want to go to Toronto. He will move to Erie to be with me. It can be a secret, my parents won't know until our ages don't matter.

1 Comment 12.7.05 17:55, comment


Aaron: 6497939 / 8165136


Alicia: 6045223


Andy: 5365573


Anne: 6496254 / 9037021


Ashley: 9828124


Aunt Gail: 6485930


Aunt Sue: 3306533608


Billy S: 5740200


Bone: 9971977


Brian S: 4407012


Brian R: 6491264


Cait: 9972995


Chris: 8635165


Chris A: 8299024


Chris B: 6492722 / 8637134


Chris C: 5787904


Chris L: 6485598 / 9086158


Chris T: 7275219399


Craig: 9036749


Dad: 8632267


Dan: 6497817 / 9821764


Danielle: 9419455 / 9498120


Daryl: 6499729


Davin: 6492448


Derek: 3610704


Dom: 5496474 / 2089695


Emily: 4794038


Fitz: 6488681 / 5182556703


Fluffy: 6485369


Heather: 3025599905


Jasmine: 8683067


Jeff: 4321901


Jess O: 9837658


Jim M: 4727537


Jimmy: 6489097 / 8035322


Joel: 9195127850


Kate: 9828300


Keith: 6496052


Kt: 5607232


Kyle: 6480506 / 9971675


Lauren: 6490958 / 8605447


Lindsay: 4323998


Lis: 6494260 / 3618539


Matt: 9833429


Mike Drayo: 2156274473


Mikey B: 6984085


Mom: 8607825


Munki: 6482658 / 4302549


Nate: 6468595


Neighbor Jeff: 6483911


Palace: 6492295


Pj: 6482659


Phil: 6072376255


Robin: 9830027


Ryan: 6487112 / 8120135


Ryan J: 6487723


Sara: 6482385 / 5630454


Sarah: 9973095


Shevlin: 9499400


Tony: 6460026 / 9974325


Uncle Dave: 16077229303 / 16072221808

24.6.05 22:02, comment

I can only express puzzlement, which borders on alarm





What ever happened to the world I know?


I don't recognise the scenery.


Too many changes I don't understand,


I liked it better how it used to be.





Then one day in New York City, baby


A girl fell from the sky


From the top of a burning apartment building


Fourteen stories high


When her spirt left her body


How it split the sun


I know that she will live forever


She won't ever die


She goes, and now she knows she'll never be afraid.





Repeat the words "you're not alone" to self three times and hit the light





Oh so gently we fly by, far from the sunlight


Dreaming of green skies burning with hindsight


Eerie with mean eyes, solace the moontide


This doesn't feel nice, burns like the light


Now I came to realize on this goodnight





Daylight licked me into shape


I must have been asleep for days





me convierto en marciano


no se ni como me llamo


aveces no puedo ni dormir


en marciano me fui a convertir





I am going to Los Angeles to build a screenplay


About lovers who murder each other


I am going to Los Angeles to see my own name on a screen


Five feet long and luminous


As the radioman says it is 5 am


And the sun has charred the other side of the world


and come back to us


and painted the smoke over our heads


an imperial violet


It is 5 am


And you are listening


To Los Angeles





And pow, I got illuminated.





and the anchorperson on TV goes


la de da de da de-dadedade-da





Ich nix wissen wie das heisse


Ich es nennen grosse scheisse





He even has the nerve to tax our cup of tea


To put it kindly, King, we really don't agree


Gonna show you how we feel, we're gonna dump this tea


And turn this harbor into the biggest cup of tea in history!





"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can play together all night!"





Is your name "Monkey Fuckin' a Coconut" sir? Thats a monkey, that could be a melon, looks like a co-co-nut.





The man took us to the wrong freaking island!





Call me the looming shapes of winter dusk impending


Call me freaky


Call me childish


Call me ishmael


Just call me back call me back call me back


and i'll follow you around.





i love my dead gay son





And when it's over


Set aside the moments to forget


It's now or never


Now's the chance to choose what you'll regret





Oh are you one of those people who frown on others asking questions to things they don't know? What are they called again, oh yeah NAZIS?! T-G-I-FURHERS!





Prithee, my dear, why are we here?


Nobody knows. We go to sleep


As breathing flows, my mind secedes


I bleed





I travelled to a mystical time zone


but I missed my bed


so I soon came home





So wonderfully,


wonderfully,


wonderfully,


wonderfully, pretty


oh you know that i'd do anything for you


we should have each other to tea


we should have each other with cream


then curl up in the fire and sleep for awhile


it's the grooviest thing, it's the perfect dream





The creature in the sky got sucked in a hole


Now there's a hole in the sky and the ground's not cold


And if the ground's not cold everything is gonna burn


We'll all take turns


I'll get mine, too








===========================





"...even though joel is irresistibly mexican." - phil





maximumsitaround: you've angered the god of Stamos





bmoviemonster: is there no opposite to porridge!?





"Aw, I want to be a hot mom." - brian





HoberMalow: you 18 yet?





"Thats the last time I buy candy at Petsmart." -jim





ThePinballEggman: maybe i would like that


ThePinballEggman: more than bumsex





Scream loud, scream sayonara.





716.982.7821











19.6.05 01:12, comment

the sun has charred the other side of the world and come back to us

What a horrible waste of time this is. I am trapped in the school library, no work to do, finished with my paper. Now what? There is no photoshop on these computers, so I can't work on the only assignment I have in school this late into my senior year. My last day is June 10th. 11 days remaining if you factor in Memorial Day (pointless days off, if you ask me.) Plus theres Senior Skip Day on thursday and the charming awards assembly on friday. I will not be skipping on thursday, I have more important things to do. Friday will be sitting in the auditorium, watching a poorly produced slide show of the past year, trying to force us to muse over the few months we've spent in this nazi death camp. We aren't allowed outside without a special privilage pass. Once out there, you aren't allowed to leave the courtyard, and cannot play catch or hacky sack. I cannot wait to leave this place, but I will miss my younger friends who still have a year or so to go. I hope they don't forget me, I have more fun with them than I do with people my own age. I have more fun with the younger, more fun with the older. But my own age is horrible. Unfortunately, I will probably always hate my own age. Time is evil and ruins my fun.


5 minutes left.

25.5.05 14:32, comment

The problem may have started with the simple consumerist principle of supply and demand. When something is popular enough, obviously its demand increases, which is followed by the manufacturer's increase in its supply. Initially, the manufacturer may have chosen a long-lasting and durable encasement for their product to create a longer shelf life, however once the product's popularity starts it 'selling like hot cakes' -which are only desirable when hot, meaning they are sold in great frequency almost immediately- the encasement for the product no longer needs its former material and can now be made out of something cheaper and more expendable. More of the product is sold, more of the product is made, more of material is used for its encasement, and more of that encasement material is mindlessly thrown away. And it does pile up. Now there is a problem: What to do with all that rubbish? Certainly a solution to this problem would be to find a place to put the rubbish and possibly reuse it. Recycling.


Plastics, paper, aluminum, gold, glass, et cetera can all be recycled and in doing so create new products, lift economic weight, and save on the environment, all without any unpleasant repercussions; in fact, only good can come of recycling.


Even though the fact that only good may come of recycling, some people (even those with higher status and education) need it pointed out to them that what current patterns of creating and disposing of rubbish they are using or would prefer to use just aren't in any way reasonable, logical, or thought by one with a sound mind not clouded with bureaucratic and callous attitudes intent on smothering the good intentions of the younger generation by making requests for the abolishment of their hard working endeavors since such an act of deterrence by one would sway this generation from wanting to do any good at all.


Influence against recycling would lead to ideas of burning thousands of newspapers as a form of rubbish removal, which would reduce valuable natural resources. Instead, the simple choice could be made to spare the 75, 000 trees by just recycling the Sunday edition of the New York Times.


It takes more energy and time to burn rubbish, which only ends up causing pollution and hurting the environment. Burning rubbish is also a more dangerous job than recycling, however there are several recycling centers in our own and neighboring counties operated by the developmentally disabled, demonstrating that recycling is a safer choice for people.


Recycling is safer for people and economically helping people out. The recycling of plastics can reduce the cost of products that use the shredded plastic. For example, the recycled plastic bottles, like that of the ones seen on a day-to-day basis at this school, can reduce the cost of a car or sofa. This is because the shredded plastic from the recycling center can be sold for cheap to companies looking to save on expenses. Companies take the cheaply purchased plastic shreds and use it for seat filler. Saving on the budget for materials reduces the cost of production, which lowers cost of the final product.


Any car on the road today will consist of recycled plastic, but it doesn't stop there. Even more of the car is made of recycled parts. Cars from earlier models turned in will have been scrapped into new steel and other metals. This helps keep the need for newer material low, which keeps costs low as well. The only way to keep this consistent is to keep recycling.


Another valuable metal that is recycled is Aluminum. The source of aluminum is for it to be extracted it from bauxite, which consumes a huge amount of electricity in both the harvesting of the chief ore and the refining. Obviously this is a costly procedure when compared to the programs that melt down and reuse aluminum. These programs have also cut energy used to make aluminum one quarter since the early 70's.


More than seventy-billion canned drinks are purchased a year in America alone, each can made of aluminum. Only half of these cans are turned in for recycling. Those cans that are recycled take approximately six weeks to be made into new cans that end up right back on supermarket shelves.


After figuring out the benefits of recycling, the country created "compulsory deposit schemes" to make people return bottles to shops. New York's law was passed in 1983 and two years later it was estimated to have saved fifty-million on rubbish collection, an additional nineteen million on waste disposal, and seventy-five million in energy costs. This is a substantial amount of evidence to promote and motivate the masses to take action to perhaps increase those numbers and tilt the scale from only half of the canned goods being recycled to a number well over.


Most schools promote recycling, and try to get typical apathetic students involved in the do-gooder mentality by setting an example by recycling the gold on circuit boards in old or obsolete computers. The computers are gathered up and sent to machines at recycling centers to be shredded up. Any recovered gold is melted down and poured into ingot moulds, the kind that produce gold bars. These bars at first are impure, but are eventually refined and recast. This simple contribution helps out the economy and didn't take much effort on the part of the school to do so.


In due course of the direction the world is headed in, the necessity to recycle cannot be ignored if we, as the population of earth and keepers of its future, plan on maintaining natural resources and environmental balance. The effort is minimal but must be made, like that of providing a place for cans or bottles. Once it is made, it most certainly should not be ignored.

24.5.05 12:01, comment