Journal of an Okie
Jessica...email me. I want to talk to you.
M.
Untitled
It has been some time that I have desired to jot down my thoughts and feelings. First allow me to dispense with the tedious bits of my current life situation. Employed with two jobs - permits me to pay my enormous bills and eat. Get to see my daughter unfettered. Am divorced - HELL YEAH!!!! New vehicle. Some friends remain after the explosion...made new ones. Beginning to regain my swagger. Teeth still white and straight.
Recently I have been attempting to recollect my losses after the explosion. I had tried to pick up the pieces and live the life that I felt was robbed from me. I realize that I will not be able to regain all of the particulars (love of my life), but I had tried to gather other bits. Finally I realized the futility of my course. My life has changed. I am no longer the same person before the explosion. I continue to adjust to this new skin that I wear. My experience has altered my thinking. I have weathered the storm and am stronger. The old fears no longer work. Everything had been taken from me. What else can you take? This has given me power. I cannot be hurt. The sleeper has awaken!!! (I really like that show)
Seriously I am very appreciative of the life that I have; of the friends and family that I have; and the second chance that I was given. Thank you Lord.
Welcome to my new life.
Newest Entry
I have been reminded that I do have adoring fans that clamor for my snippets of wisdom and I have been remiss of late by not posting in a timely fashion. Updates, I assume, are required. I am still employed, however not in a desirable position with a desirable salary. Fortunately, my desire of attending law school continues as I am waiting to hear on my applications. As I am told, I look really strong and should have no problems in being accepted. This is a really exciting time in my life and I relish the opportunity!!!
Custody battle continues and the new court date is May 3. However, I have sent in an offer to the psycho and hopefully we can resolve this in my daughter's best interest. Despite what my ex-psycho states, I am not the anti-christ and I am not trying to eat your soul.
Nothing at all to note on the personal side. I have taken a voluntary hiatus from the dating world. Physical desires remain, but I just do not have the energy, time, or money to haggle with developing a new relationship. I just want to focus on me for the time being and allow some time to heal/develop.
Now that you have the bullet points of my life at the moment; go out and conquer the world. You have it in you.
Thoughts
As I sit and peruse the www, I began to reminisce about times past.
Past photos of old girlfriends spark clouded memories of good times.
Unfortunately, Ego reminds me that it was not all good. The care was a
one way street. The pain no longer stings, but is a reminder of what
could have been. So close to what I desired, but still had much to go.
Need true care and compassion about me. Need emotional maturity. Need
emotional strength and resilience. She was fun and I miss that fun. She
made my nights alive and my days longing. Thank you for being there. My
personal storm would be too much for anyone to bear. Thanks for
sticking it out as much as you did. I miss my time with you. I miss
what I believed that you were. You are still thought about from time to
time. Just so you, (as I know that you will not care), my life is
beginning to be rebuilt. I am on the path and I am happy once again. I
pray that you are happy. I hope that you think of me as I do you. I
know that you refuse to admit that I once mattered to you, but during
the lonely moments before slumber I hope that I walked across your
thoughts some. Thoughts of you kept me sane in a very small place. Your
letters were welcomed. Take care and I truly wish you well. You deserve
happiness. I hope that you find it.
Michael.
By the way, you still have the most beautiful breasts that I have ever seen! (I am still a man, you know!)
Thoughts during commercials
Interesting events have happened as of late. For the longest time I received no responses from the plethora of resumes scuttled out. Then, last week began the deluge of phone calls. Four interviews total, two completed and two to go. The positions range from state work to pharmaceutical sales to mental health technician. Hopefully they will all fall out as it is to be and that I am able to recognize the wisdom behind the machinations. I have not received any offers yet, but I should be employed very shortly.
The custody battle rages on. Yet another continuation has resulted in my estranged spouse to deny me visitation with my daughter. However, a new attorney and a new judge should set things right. My next hearing is in about a month. Things should be closer to sanity at that time.
After much conversations with family and friends, I have decided to apply to law school for the fall semester. It is painfully obvious that I should have chosen this path many years ago, but I suspect that I was not prepared at that time. My focus is to provide stability for my daughter and my family. I tire of bouncing from job to job with generalist skills. Therefore, garnering skills as an attorney should significantly bolster my career path. I am set to take the LSAT Feb. 4 and I do believe that I will perform well.
Toodles.
Future
The Rule of Twelveffice
ffice" />
- Learn to play piano.
- Learn to speak Spanish fluently.
- Earn MBA in concentration of choice.
- Lose and maintain healthy weight loss. (I want a six-pack!)
- Great hygiene (white/clean teeth, manicure, clear complexion).
- Read as many literary classics as possible.
- Write my story (charges) to help out others.
- Run a marathon.
- Win a 5k race.
- Focus on career and maintain that focus.
- Be a father to Taya!