Well folks - the New Luck is full. No more room. You can surf over to the newer luck at :

http://www.20six.co.uk/jamiesons-luck-new1

Again, I won't disappoint you, or sulk. You are welcome ! Come on in !

Highly married NOW" Na' mor a' more Pub for Jamieson, laddy. Ball and chain now laddy.

Umm, actually Professor I do not regret my well founded decision.Actually you were the one who was ahhhh under the weather.....

Wassat ? You ? You ? (reels and stands alert) ....punk calling me (hiccough) undah the (hiccough) weather ?

What ? Are you nuts ? Suzhou is the place to be. Cigarette holders and walkers with wheels. I get 'hellloed' if I am foolish enought to walk down a dank lane  - but that's actually an invite for a cup 'o' cha and maybe dinner.

Oh, highly married NOW. : stagger.

F* me, 204 km/h on a stretch or two on a 2 month old train. Railway Police assistants with megaphones ensure the citizens line up properly at the stations.  "You there ! White T-shirt ! (Wo ? [me ?] Touching chest quizzically and looking around for another white T-Shirt) Yeah, YOU ! Get in the line or.... so help me...." they bellow.

"Form a neat queue, the train will be here in.... (radio chatter from the walkie talkie) ... in 2 minutes."

I really admire the efficiency, on-time and No-bullshit approach to management  of these new trains.

Exit from the front door. EXIT, mind you, not the extreme sport of getting you and your shit out of the train onto the platform while others struggle to get IN before the departing passengers and their luggage alight. 

Same as lifts here, chaos. I shoulder whack these lift protocol offenders on a regular basis, even sometimes do the full body whack and then "apologise", depending on my mood.

3 minutes a station. Suzhou, I'll give it 5 minutes on the dot. Ex Nanjing, Display board says 11.40 departure, f**k me, sitting in carriage 2 seat 37 and Mrs. Jamieson in 38 - 11.40 beepers sound, doors slowly close and we are rolling. 20,40,60, 160, 200. That's amazing.

Really amazing  and totally excellent, efficient Chinese co-ordination and operation. Guess you didn't know the secrets. J heard rumours about excellence from other foreigners, but scoffed loudly.

 Quickly unscoff when I see this.... just a few carriages down.

Asolutely mind-blowing. Guess there's a flurry for the Olympics and Shanghai Expo in 2010. Actually, the toilet floor was somewhat awash with urine (understandable with the swaying of the train at 200 km/h)... no problem. Even my aim kinda goes off-kilter at times..... at that speed and sway when it goes over some rail points.

Yeah, I know we have this in the West but it was so unexpected, so totally unexpected in China. Four months ago it was "we're getting ready..." Five years ago it would have been a fantasy that'd get you in an asylum.

Do you know how much it cost them to build the catenary system (electric train power) for 2,800 km ? How much to buy these trains ?  How much to pay the slaves shovelling ballast and levering rails  to precision in the terrible humidity and burning sun - to ensure rails were 5 mm or less out of tolerance ?

My heart goes out to the humble men and women who do the hard and sweaty jobs that we quite frankly - often ignore.  We call them s**t jobs, but , there is dignity in work. They deserve spades of Dignity, something that Laowais in China sometimes conveniently overlook.

Just like the senior ladies who trim the hedges at Club Jamieson, cut the grass, and the guy who personally drags the cart around to empty garbage bins into said cart. He doesn't drive an Audi and says that 63 Kuai (USD $7) to go to Nanjing - each, and each way - by train is 'ridiculous, preposterous, outrageous'.

China will change in an instant. One moment you're in a Toronto or Sydney environment clone on uber-luxury trains, staff smiling and wearing bow-ties, vests, suits and offering 'Sirs' in the silence of the train - next moment you're closing your eyes and joining the queue to the heat and gross humidity of Coastal China, 85%.

The "sir" - in English from the crew member as she showed me how to operate the sliding door to the toilet (I tried to push it gently  ....) was - how you say in English ? Absolutely astonishing.

Had a woman with an amputated right hand nudge me at Suzhou train station whilst Mrs. J  and J waited for a Taxi to go home (Hate laowais....) nudge me with the stump. Ahhh, seek Government Assistance. It's available.

China.

A land of huge contrasts. Even though Jamieson attempts to apply the 'insulation' the disparity is right there, in your face.

Yes I am cynical. 4+ years years here "opens one's eyes".

I love China.  Ahh, actually, I do. If I didn't - I would be on the next QANTAS Airbus, back to Australia. Sent packing.

I daresay the Belgians on the train were impressed. The Dutch guy with the big backpack was eager to return to Shanghai to his lady and found the annoying stops ... an impediment to his pleasure !

J.

 Seems my good behaviour and absence of domestic violence, tantrums, coming home drunk from the pub,.

(I rarely go to the pub, maybe twice a year when it is free beer for Australians on Australia Day, or Anzac day)

....handing over Jamieson's salary to Mrs. J, NOT hanging out with skanky chicks, never,ever smoking pot, never doing dodgy deals done dirt cheap,never screwing students and behaving nicely in front of Mum in 3 years has convinced Mrs. Jamieson that well, why not ?

Down to Nanjing (Nanking), tomorrow, to finally convert Miss Jamieson to Mrs. Jamieson will change her and me from associates to an assigned unit.

Totally OK with this idea. She gets days off, too.

 But....there is the father issue. Mum has spent time in Club Jamieson and J decided to prematurely end his odyssey in Australia and wing it back to Shangahi because things are so F**king expensive in Oz, and J didn't want to raid Miss J's credit card anymore, so spent a few days with Mother ZZZ.

Hey, you ! sprinkle rose petals in front of us!

 Mosquitoes. Love 'em.

 I'm sitting in the study, typing up this entry and I get assailed by not one, but two of these little c*nts. All-righty. Go the master bedroom and grab a can of Raid, let forth a plume of insect neuro-toxin and let the fun begin.

Hah ! One karks it and falls lifeless on the computer desk. The other one is still valiantly circling around - made of stauncher stuff it seems.

Of course, the air-con is set at 18 degrees and it's designed to cool the Laowai down (even at 10.20 pm, it's still muggy and hot) and crank up a bit of a deterring frigid blast of moving air.

Try to lunge at and squeeze the life out of this little flying parasite.... S**t, I saw you, made a grab but suddenly it disappears only to do a Phoenix and come back for a second and subsequent attack.

Sigh, there's one hiding in the bedroom, probably resting on the curtains. It'll be dead before lights out, I guarantee that. Oh, well if you leave the windows and the loungeroom door open all day - then what do you expect ?

ZZZ made a heart-felt declaration tonight when she  and XXX got back from Japanese language studies at Uni. "I'll never leave you !".  J was highly impressed at this, since ZZZ had a little variation from her highly normal, stable countenance and ramped up to kicking things around in a slight episode. Something about the mess in the study, stuff on the floor, disarray etc.

Sure, J is a lazy slob, but very keen on killing mosquitoes. Oh, yeah, just went to the bedroom to get some smokes and I saw the offending insect parked arrogantly on the wall. Say your prayers bucko, because (whack with a cigarette pack). Well, that's that !

You don't pay the rent, and you just hang around - opportunistic. Raining most of the day here, maybe tomorrow too.

Going to have civilised chat with an American lady from an impressive head-hunter outfit in Ohio, coming to Suzhou to recruit EFL and Business Etiquette teachers for an American software company, next week.

What a co-incidence ! I was a software developer in Oz for years, speak *some* Chinese and have years of EFL training experience at Multi-national companies in China.

Experience on the ground in China is a huge bonus when it comes to getting this sort of gig.  So, what's stopping you ? Sure, you have to put up with a couple of tons of bullshit when you first arrive, but after the third year, you can deftly avoid the bullshit, and advise newbies with your highly cynical, scarred wisdom and knowledge.

I'm lucky, I have 2 beautiful ladies who supervise construction of the 'Don't try and f**k with the Australian' wall, for which I am grateful.

Careful ! Don't skimp on the cement and for Gods' sake can't you use string to ensure the bricks are laid in neat rows ? Gees ! What a sloppy mess. I should sack you all and start again !

Death to mosquitoes.

 Big J. wears his heart on his sleeve, and his backpack on the front.   Wallet in the front pocket. Looks ridiculous, but 99.999 % of these people won't see me again. Hides in an expensive and well-secured compound with confident, aggressive and abusive guards.

Sign says something like "If you don't want to be a burglar, invest in stocks." - City Police Department.

http://silkrc.typepad.com/chinablog/2007/06/a_theft_in_suzh.html

Thanks Will. We need to know about this and warn our near and dear that it happens in the bliss and sanctuary of SIP.

By the way, I don't live in a 'Dan wei' (work-unit) slum like in this photo, it's a much more salubrious apartment. However, I, ZZZ and XXX have lived in a slum like this.  Going to Nanjing to tie the knot is approaching. Discussed it today. Have to go to the Police Station to get a residence permit  for J. first.

A Permit to live where I live ? OK, Shut up Jamieson. You're in Rome now buddy, stick to the rules and you'll have no problems. The Kangaroo and Emu booklet will go about ... that far.

Where the bloody hell are you ? I'm in Suzhou, 200 + km from Nanjing and 80 km from Shanghai. Open the window in Anhui or Denmark, Western Australia, look at the night sky and see thousands of stars.

In Suzhou, you get the moon and a solitary planet, Venus, because it's the brightest planet in our solar system.   You don't get it, do you ? ONE, just ONE is visible through this shit. Can you believe it ?  ONE ?

ONE ? No wonder I cough so much, other 'foreigners' are sneezing like trains chuffing.

Jamieson.

If you wish to teach English in China, in Suzhou, Jiangsu Province in China there's one outfit you should avoid like H5N1 .It's Hong-N, run by a certain "James" Ma, located on Gan Jiang Lu.

This guy is the kind of guy.... if you shake his hand, you need to count your fingers immediately afterward. "James" was behind Shane English in Suzhou which has spectacularly collapsed and he fled. He ran an outfit called 'Richeway' which boasted a client base including Bosch - and offered the huge sum of 100 RMB an hour for teaching. Ahhh, NO.

The out-of-bed coin in Suzhou is a minimum 150 RMB, even nudging 200+ per hour for corporate clients. If you want to white-ant the system in Suzhou, then go ahead. 6,600 RMB a month ? Fuck that.

If you want to come to Suzhou and make a difference, email me. There is a good gang of foreigners that I know who will give you good advice, set you straight.

So many people want to re-invent themselves - at your expense. This guy is an expert. No mention of paying for your 3,000 RMB a month apartment.

Unless you want to live in a SLUM and cry yourself to sleep every night and flee back to Oklahoma, Birmingham, Saskatchewan or Taree after 2 months in China, skip them. 

http://www.hong-n.com/en/news.asp?action=shownews&newsid=105

I'm just doing the right thing, letting you know. I know this blog would get me sued nicely, back there, but you NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS ahhh, person.

Bye, Liable Jamieson. Yes, NAMING AND SHAMING. 6,600 RMB a month with no accommodation allowance is someone's idea of a joke in Suzhou, it's a pathetic package here. Don't get yourself in a situation where you are the 'jokee'.

Please, Please I hope you googled this blog and get with the program. I beg you.

 Keywords : Suzhou Suzhou Suzhou Suzhou hong-n teach teacher scam allowance hong-n googled blog joke salary.

Ok.

Take a deep breath Jamieson.

I had a nice, refined Business English class today with two guys. Reasonably dressed, English is a little wobbly, but that's OK, my Chinese is a bit wobbly :-) but my English is fine.

All right. Student #1 has a PhD in nano-technology and is a director of a local company on the R & D side. Say what ? Nano-technology in China is a booming industry, since we are reducing channel sizes on 12 inch pure silicon slabs down to ?how small? and leading the path to get even more bang from a silicon buck.

The other guy is a famous Neuro-Surgeon here in Suzhou. Duh, that's a Brain Surgeon, Jamieson. We chat about crash helmets, their usefulness and statistical recovery numbers from severe and mild cerebral injuries.

Intra-cranial bleeding, cerebral hematoma. Treatment methods, complex surgical interventions, post-surgery options, rehabilitation regimes.

J. is somewhat humbled. No, Actually, very humbled.

Pissing along with a mere Diploma - it's only slightly related to
foreign language acquisition and usage. I have the temerity to sit in a classroom beside a luminary and discuss job descriptions with these guys who blow J out of the water in terms of Academic and personal achievements.

Saving people's lives vs. "what did you do yesterday"  as a past-tense English speaking exercise, is quite frankly an embarrassment to me, maybe to the students.

"Oh, I scrubbed up,gowned,masked and saved an accountant from certain death"

Ahhhhhh.

It's OK.  They really like me, and they tell me so, often. They are very happy with classes with me.I'm up to a 98% approval rating.
I'm in demand. Tonight's English corner again was again standing room only. I asked the ladies in reception to copy 25, front and back.

I had to ask for more copies.

I guess I am a likeable guy, and know a little about a lot.
Very little, actually.

I should resign, as I am unfit to be a Teacher for our students.

That's a very Chinese habit, minimising one's achievements and ability.

However, I am your best friend, your teacher - and I do my best.

I try hard.

End of boring blog, congratulating myself on how good I am.

Teacher ? Try harder. Idiot.

Jamieson.