after a very blue day I am feeling a tiny bit better tonight. Possibly because I have brought the application form to a reasonable close.

Last night the devil sent some twerp that's just got his LLB and thinks he's smart over and we batted about my options. That helped a little too, although I am still thinking. Time is on my side with the big option; the deadline for the job I've been working on this week is Friday. 

Right now I am going to bed. There hasn't been enough sleep of late. 

Oh and I would like to blame Tosha for any purchases I may inadvertently have made from etsy this week. Not my fault at all. 

Feeling distinctly uneasy at the moment, about my life, my future, my desires, my career. There are ideas, there are options I would probably jump for if they were here, now not vague and in the future, and there are lots of unknowns.

My anxiety at all this is not helped by people coming along dropping big hints that maybe I *ought* just go for it (the big, scary, expensive, timely commitment type option) like they know what I'm thinking. Making me think I ought to pull my socks up , work out what it is I want, and damned well do it.

As it is, I have a bit of time to think about Big, Scary Option. Option C (would be possibly exactly what I am looking for were it only in a different city) it seems, is the one I need to concentrate on just now; a typo on the jobs website gave a deadline of 08/10/08 when in fact it was 08/08/08 i.e. this Friday. Once I've applied I can work out if I want it or not.

So, I am listening to Karine Polwart, eating some popcorn, and trying to write a personal statement. I am sure it hasn't been nearly long enough since I last wrote one of these. Trying to avoid feeling as miserable and ill as I felt last night/this morning/late this afternoon.

Subject of email: Woman Seeks Looost Pet Goat With Bagels

AND now I am thinking hmm, cinnamon bagel for breakfast?

Those of you that read the other blog will, I hope, be pleased to hear that I have, over the past couple of nights, written a fair few posts to keep you all interested and maybe even entertained. Using the power of magic these posts will appear at intervals whist I am away in Croatia.

I've not done the same here; I don't know if 20six can cope with scheduled posting and even if it did I'm not sure what I'd write: Croatia as hot as expected; glad I'm not the one allergic to fish on this holiday; blimey we have to get up early tomorrow; why oh why didn't I bring more....

Wish me luck on hols and keep reading (and commenting, it's good for us bloggers' egos!) over at the other place. I shall try and take lots of foodie pics and bring them back for you. 

One of the flats downstairs has been doing some diy/heavy duty redecorating, and our flat smells of solvents this evening. Not nice.

In other news, I wore my new shoes out today with a skirt and a girly blouse and felt quite the bees knees about town. I went for a hair cut (the need for such being brought rapidly into focus by the news that the two girls I am going away with tomorrow are both getting their hair done tomorrow before we go) which looks just fab. Mr MacLaren narrowly avoided my making some snarky comment about men really being that unobservant although I realise now that he may have been aided in this by my leaving something on the bed with my hairdressers name on it. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt though, as we are nice. Plus he's a bit shy and probably didn't want to say 'have you had your hair cut?' for fear of a scathing response. Apparently little old me can be scathing!

I then went out for lunch with the gal who's over from Canada with whom (and another pal) I'm off to Croatia tomorrow. We talked about the new flat, about her studies, and just what we've both been up to since I last saw her (the turn of 2004, or was it five) and organised bits and pieces for tomorrow. 

Right now Mr MacLaren is starting of some bread so that he can make me a packed lunch tomorrow what a sweetie! I will have the best meal on the flight. Huzzah.

Budget airlines really screw you over, you know? Like my flight home from this holiday cost £10 but I have to pay an additional £16 for the privilege of checking a bag into the hold! (I think that's right. I'm not totally clear what is what from the money we've paid. But harumph, anyway.)

Stinky airlines, stinky flat. Bah. 

I am now on holiday! Off work for a whole six days (Wednesday to Wednesday) and off out the country on Thursday for a long weekend in Croatia with two friends from uni. This was supposed to be the year with no holidays, what with buying the flat and all, but one of the friends is visiting from Canada for a couple of weeks (to work) and it seemed too good an opportunity to pass up. And I paid for some of it before we actually bought the flat anyway.

Less easy to justify (in some ways) is all the cash I've been spending on loveliness in the last month. Some is easy to justify: I've spend a heckof a lot of money on underwear this month (really, you don't want to know how much) but that it basically because the last time I bought myself any underwear apart from some M&S pants (so we're talking structural support here!) was...wait for it...Autumn/Winter 2005. None of it fitted any more, I've changed shape (although not in the way I'd expected) and much of it had had to go in the bin by virtue of being completely worn out.

I've also bought shoes: I broke my work pumps the other day, the strap came away in my hand, and whilst a repair might have been possible the soles were actually nearly falling off and really these shoes had lived their useful life. I am now the proud owner of two new pairs of black, work-safe* but also pretty shoes, which are both better quality than the recently departed shoes and so should last out better.

(*I work in a lab so oughtn't wear exposed toe shoes. Our second in comand wears flipflops in the lab; about half of the staff follow her lead and do the same. I feel I ought to show some loyalty to our lab manager and obey the rules, so I wear proper shoes. Which at the moment means very hot trainers.)

Then there's been the online sales....Long Tall Sally and Howies both; I've picked up shorts and teeshirt from Howies for my holidays (so I'd better get at least one beachy but sporty sort of opportunity to wear them!) and a couple of frocks from LTS which were all reduced heavily, One of these frocks will be carefully stowed away to keep for a friend's wedding next year, the others will be worn on holiday (so I'd better get some swanning around looking glamorous and girly opportunities!)

Otherwise I just have to pick up some insurance and think about packing. Whilst it's not that long since I was off to move I am quite in need of a break from work. Thankfully too I think my absence is catalysing a wee re-think of MTO roles in the lab so that when I get back I may get a wee change, maybe even some new opportunities. Life is good. 

I am sitting, on my lovely squishy, brand new corner sofa (in Idemo black), looking out my turret window at my view to Calton Hill (I can see the National Monument and the Nelson Monument) with a groovy lamp lighting my man in the corner, looking at my fabo new living room. Now largely without boxes (less said about the spare room the better, natch) and with pictures to follow.

Flat warming was on Friday, sofa arrived just in time, and generally it was a super duper day.