rite its been a while

i dnt really knw how 2 start this... i dnt knw whether its coz i've been out of practice or sumthink and i jus dnt knw how 2start this off. or its coz i knw i've got 2talk about a sad subject and i dnt knw how 2talk bout it...

basically on the 4th Dec 2006 my grandad passed away. it kinda took us all by shock, i mean we knew we didnt hav long wiv him but we thought he wuld last til the new yr... i knw family members dieing is hard enuff as it is but this hurt... im still hurtin from it. i keep thinkin that im gona cum home and he will b sittin in my front room watchin sister sister lol

me and my cousin roz were the only cousin 2c him in the hospital jus after he died... i jus went there 2b wiv my mum coz i thought she needed me, i didnt think they were gona b wiv the body. it was wierd, he looked like this shell of my grandad, and i didnt want 2touch him jus incase he crumbled under fingers. he looked so fragile. but at the same time he didnt look like my grandad, there was sumthink missin

my family thought it wuld b a good idea 4 me 2c my grandad again b4 the funeral so i culd hav a nicer last image of him, in his coffin, in his sunday best wiv his hair done nice... he looked like sumthink from Madame Tussauds, i dnt knw if it was coz the make up they put on him but he jus didnt look like my grandad.

but yeah as u can kinda guess i've been goin through a bit of a difficult time. other stuff has happened since, christmas went well. i got very drunk on xmas eve, spent most of the holidays wiv the family.

i moved in wiv my mate maz 4 a couple of months while her cousin is in india... its goin alrite, me and her havnt killed each other yet which is a good lol

been havin sum problems wiv my grant, still havnt got it so money is really tight at the moment... shuld b gettin it soon tho

im goin out 2nite wiv my old college mates, we're goin 2 Car wash! its gona b such a laugh, u hav 2dress up in either 70's, 80's or 90's funky clothes lol so im gona hav fun

well im gona head off now and try and find wot im gona wear 2nite

xx

24.2.07 16:03, comment

oh look whos bak 2 old habits

Yep im bored and i thought it wuld b fun 2write an entry, i hav no idea wot im gona write bout but im gona write sumthink

erm...... looks like i've got a couple of house party's lined up 4 the next couple of days :D gona head 2my mate liams place 2mrw after uni and then on friday im goin 2my mate billies place coz its his brothers bday so they r havin a lil thing! lol it shuld b quite a good couple of days.

i havnt heard from blake but then again i havnt txt him, well i did jus now but his soooo not gona reply lol

oh my god last nite i burnt my fingers and it bloody hurt! and 4 the rest of the nite i smelt of Lavender... they say that u shuld put lavender on the burn and then sum ice, it works! the lavender stops it from hurtin and the ice cools it down

im hungry!

it looks like im gona b in another photo shoot... its nuffin special my mate joe is doin a photography course and he wants sum models and his asked me 2do it :D lookin 4ward to that it shuld b quite fun :D

alrite well im gona head off now coz i need 2eat sumthink. hopefully my mum has brought sum food bak from school. i dnt knw why but the chief keeps givin my mum the left overs, i dnt really minded coz its not 2 bad lol

well take care all

xx

1 Comment 15.11.06 16:44, comment

Have i got story's 2tell u!

well a lot has happened since my last entry... im bak at uni now and i've found 2 new friends maz and laura, :D

but i guess i shuld kinda fill in the blanks from my last entry. that week i did end up seein blake, i went electric Ballroom wiv Leanne, Laura, Sam, Adam, Steve, Nick and a couple of others. Blake and his mate rob turned up, ok i did txt him tellin him i was goin but didnt think he wuld actually turn up lol nuffin happened we jus hung out and he kept runnin off but he wuld always cum bak and give me a hug, which was nice :D

I ended up hangin out wiv him and rob the next day in camden, again he kept runnin off and chattin up girls but he wuld always come bak and either put his hand on my leg or cuddle me, kinda like a reassurance thing! so as u can guess i got a lil bit confused, even now i still get confused but i'll get 2that in a min. that nite i went out 4 Nagi's 22 bday at bar 101... it was an alrite nite, i think i wuld hav enjoyed myself more if rik wasnt there and i wasnt so tired from the nite b4 lol

i started bak at uni at the beginin of Oct, and so far my course is goin pretty well, but it think im spendin a lil bit 2much time in my student union lol thursday is our drinkin nite and me, maz, laura, liam and dave r always takin advantage of the £1 pints :D lol

i meet up wiv blake a couple times in Oct, and it was wierd coz normally whenever i wuld call him he wuld b entertainin a lady friend if u get wot i mean or he wuldnt pick up his phone or reply 2ne of my txt's. and i went this comedy nite that sum ppl from my old work place were doin and blake wuld b txtin me tellin me where he was sittin and more or less askin me 2cum and join him, and when i said i wuldnt he came 2me and jus hovered around lol i was a bit like ok! and then i went 2the cash point and as i was walkin bak he was walkin in2 the station and he was gona go wiv out sayin bye.

The most he has confused me was when me, maz & laura went 2the good mixer in camden coz i had told them about him and how im confused about where me and him were, i didnt knw whether we were jus friends or that we were a bit more... basically i didnt knw if he liked me in that way. But when they met him they were like he likes u... but then he wuld go off chattin 2sum next girls, and then he told me that his fuck buddy was cumin down and that he really liked her, so i was like we r jus friends and then i kissed him and then we kept kissin and then his fuck buddy turned up and behind her bak he wuld kiss me and he kept sayin i was a good kisser and he culdnt kiss me coz she was there but then he was like but im not datin her so it shuldnt matter... personally by this time i was 2drunk and i didnt really care lol

but he said 2me that he wanted 2meet up the next day and when i txt him sayin u still want 2meet up he didnt reply... so i was a bit like fuck u then lol

by thursday evenin i had 4given him coz he helped maz out wiv her problem and he didnt hav 2 and on the friday he had started sendin me sum random shit and jus pissin about lol

It was My sister 18th on 30th Oct that was a really good nite, we went 2dinner wiv my mum, my dad, aksel (her bf) and 4 of her other mates, my dad paid 4the whole meal and then gave my mum £20 2spend in the pub which we did lol We went 2the waltham oak and then headed 2the walnut. It was jus a nice nite :D

the next day i ended up goin 2a gig wiv maz and blakes 2mates Rob & Rodney. It was nice 2hang out wiv his mates wiv out him bein there coz i didnt want them 2think that the only reason i was goin was 2get the chance 2hang out wiv blake, so i made it my mission 2hav a good time :D which wasnt hard coz it was a really good nite.

I think i've been drinkin a lil bit 2much lately and i've kinda been a bad girl lol the thursday after halloween i went 2my student union and they had a halloween party. I got a lil drunk and invited my mate Dave from my old work place 2cum 2 my student union, which he did. but b4 that i had been chattin 2 this guy dan, and i was tryin 2 annoy him but it turned out that i was flirtin wiv him then annoyin him lol so when dave turn up i got him a drink spent sum time wiv him then 1 of dans mates grabbed me and said dan wants 2talk 2u. So i went other there 2find out wot he wanted and the next min his kissin me! and boy he is a good kisser lol

but when i went bak 2 dave he kinda told me he hadnt cum here 2watch me kiss another guy and then we ended up kissin lol so i kissed 2 guys in the same nite, in the same room lol it was sooo bad. On the way home i ended up callin blake (at 2.30am) 2find out he was entertainin another lady friend and he thought that me and him shuldnt kiss ne more, so i nicely informed him that that was alrite coz i had jus kissed 2guys lol after that i kinda told myself that me and him r jus friends.

but then he goes and confuses me again coz he send me a txt on sunday and then he sends me another 1 tell me 2call him, and when i do he has 1 of his girl mates over and they r watchin a dvd and he said he wuld call me bak later which he didnt! so i went 2a firework display wiv my old college mates and had a really good time :D

the next day i txt him sayin that me and maz r goin shoppin in camden and seein if he wanted 2cum. He then miss calls me so i call him bak and his like i was hopin 2hav seen u yesturday! and i was like well i went out wiv my mates lol he jus confuses me. he was 2busy 2meet up then and i've kinda given up now so i didnt txt him till saturday tellin him that i got my lip pierced :D well happy bout that. but yeah he sent me a couple of jokey txt sayin was the metal rusty and do i hav tetnus lips lol

and then sunday i got a txt from him askin me 2go good mixer. so i did, i dragged maz and laura wiv me and he was wierd, he was really cuddle and he hardly talked 2ne other girl and when he did he wuld introduce me 2them. And he kept wantin 2buy me a drink, and at 1 point im sittin on a raised bit and he is sittin by my legs leanin up against me and he was bein really sweet and lovin... and im jus not used 2that from him, i think it was coz he was tired

but i dnt knw wot 2do now coz i now hav dan in the picture, coz me and him keep meetin up and makin out, so i dnt quite knw wot 2do i think im jus gona play it kool.

but yeah im headin off now coz i hav 2do sum uni work. I've got an assignment due in 4 friday but i want 2get it done by thursday coz liam is havin sum ppl over and i want 2go lol so im gona do that now :D

take care all

xx

2 Comments 14.11.06 12:30, comment

i dnt knw wots up but...

i've been feelin really annoyed lately. i mean the littlist of things will piss me off! 4 sum reason im really annoyed wiv leanne, i think its coz she doesnt seem 2invite me ne where ne more, i mean it reminds me of when i was bac in school and all the kool kids wuld b talkin about where they had been the weekend or nite b4 and then b like where was u! and i wuld hav the embrassment of sayin no 1 told me bout it... and thats happenin again! i keep hearin bout all these party's that i've missed coz no 1 has told me bout them. ok fair enuff i wuldnt hav gone 2them ne ways coz i hav been busy when these party's where happenin but still it wuld b nice 2b told bout them

im also gettin annoyed wiv ben... he told me when we broke up 4 me not 2 4get about him, so i've been makin an effort 2keep intouch, and he wont even reply 2my msg or talk 2 me on msn... AND! his put a pic up on his myspace of him and this girl wiv the caption "aw me and fran " wot the fuck!! thats really pissed me off. as nikki wuld say "who is she?" lol i she is most likely jus a mate but that has annoyed me

12.9.06 22:08, comment