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Episode III: Return of the Mid
http://20six.co.uk/midders
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What exactly is the point in me being at work I wonder when I have got nothing to do? I mentioned this earlier this morning to various people and the response was a muttered…”oh ah..hmm..yes…I’m sure there is something…hmm…..I’ll speak to….” That was around 3 hours ago. Since then I have bought a saddle on ebay, generally stared at my computer screen and made myself lots of cups of tea. Soon I may go to the shop to buy myself a drink as this will take longer. I hate having nothing to do. Yet still, for some reason, maintaining the pretence of working by having a file open in front of me and the relevant software on my screen. This is why I hated my last, last job. I just spend all day looking at the time, which seems to tick backwards. I was even supposed to be going on a job in Leeds next week, which would have been great because its home, but also actually doing something, but now for some reason I’m not, which seems crazy and there is no reason behind it. I mean, its not like I have done anything wrong. Though what I am doing is not going to be particularly great since I am SO bored. The last job was the complete opposite, always manically busy, and lots more pressure (mind you some would be more here) but I enjoyed it more in a kind of permanently stressed way. It’s been a bit like this since I started here, and it just saps any motivation I might have. I am thinking about applying for another job but am not sure that it looks very good to leave after only 2 months. Im having a bit of a hamster in his wheel day I think. Feel like I will never get anywhere, and am just running around in perpetually decreasing circles. In other slightly more inspiring news, I went to Leeds festival at the weekend (no of course I didn’t camp) which was much fun. Ah yes and a lot of my background appears to be in German, and the links are mostly linking to nowhere. Try to ignore this I shall sort it out….some day…. Oh, and its my birthday in 32 days!
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Oh look....
I remembered my password! Does anyone still live around here?
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Once upon a time
.......there were two prawns, Chriatian and Justin. Christian and Justin lived in the middle of the Pacific ocean and Justin was getting a bit disillusioned with his life. He decided it was no fun being a prawn and wanted to be a shark. He said to Christian, "Christian I want to be a shark. I don't want to be a prawn anymore. It's no fun. You always have to run away from everything. Sharks never have to run away." One day Justin was swimming through the ocean and Justin found a cod. He started talking to the cod, and told him that he wanted to become a shark. ALAKAZAM...Justin is changed in to a shark. He is very happy and swims back to all his little prawn friends to tell them the good news. The only problem was that all his little prawn friends were scared of him. They all ran away when they saw Justin coming. Justin wasn't too worried though and swam on to find Christian. He saw him in the distance and shoulted "Christian Christian its me Justin. I'm a shark!" But Christian ignored him and swam into his little prawn house and closed his little prawn door. " You're not Justin- you're a shark and you want to eat me" he cried. No matter how much Justin tried to convince Christian that it was really him, Christian just wouldn't believe him. Justin soon got lonely. He missed Christian. He decided the only way to get his friend back was to find the magic cod. So off he swam. Eventually he found the magic cod and asked to be returned to normal. ALAKAZAM. Justin was once more a prawn. Very excitedly he swam as fast as he could back to Christian. When he arrived at his house he shouted " I found cod...I'm a prawn again Christian..."
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Feel a bit sick.
One of the partners is in a meeting with a client I prepared the accounts for. I literally finished them about 30 seconds ago so the partner hasnt even seen them, and I know they are rubbish. If I am asked any questions I wont have a clue. I want to hide in the toilet til he has gone.
Anyway in order to distract myself from this meeting which is happening in an office...right in front of me...agh he just came out...and went back in again....
My legs are hurting today. Too much jumping around like a lunatic at the weekend. Literally. Jumping.
In other news you know i sold my horse. Well the woman that bought him text me yesterday to tell me she was selling him (he keeps bucking her off- bless he obviously doesnt like her!!) so i er am having him back.
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what's the word
...for somebody (in this context) whis is a contradition of two opposites. Like for example the gay guy who is really pretty and wears pink flowers and a tutu during the day but then at night goes out and moshes with the Metal heads and gets a tatoo or two...
What is that word?
I cannot think and it is now really annoying me.
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I have a friend...
She's not feeling too great at the moment. She split up with her boyfriend on Wednesday night. He wasn't really sure what he wanted. Didn't know whether he wanted to get back with his wife or not. He really liked her, he liked her a lot, but he couldn't give her any promises. It was left unsaid that he also couldn't give her any honesty. She decided she didn't need that and walked out of his flat at 1.30am.
Normally I think she'd be ok. She knows how to pick up the pieces and carry on. Just this time, she seems to have forgotton where to start. She feels like crying all the time, any time she is not in front of people, she pretty much is crying. She doesn't know how to stop. I don't think she has lost the instruction book on how to cope, she has just lost the ability to open it.
I think she knows that it's not even all about him. Its about everything she never cried about before. She never cried about being pregnant, she never cried about having the abortion, she never cried when she sold her horse, she never cried when she failed her qualification. She could cope with all that because there were always things left. now she feels like there is literally nothing. She knows deep down that there are things really, but then in a way those are the things she willingly left behind when she moved to a new city, so it is hard for her to see those things beyond the void.
What can I do to help her?
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Episode III: Return of the Mid
