Take previous entry as read! I have a hell of a hangover today and face the prospect of work going round in a daze!

It was a good night out with some very interesting diversions both in the pub and in the restaurant and back in the pub again. Amazing the topics of conversation that get started!

N_F has an even worse hangover than mine and has not emerged from her cocoon in bed yet so I am off to the kitchen for the well known greasy fry up - the wonder cure for a hangover! Yum Yum!

Today being February the 14th and Valentines' Day and actually being the first time N_F and I have celebrated this together in 5 years is going to be a special day for us as we head out from the Sticks to the Metropolis of Dublin. Reasons for this can be found in our back catalogue of entries. Mine usually being due to being in China and pissed out of my brain on free beer at the annual Pulp Fiction Cross Dressing Valentines' Day party in Suzhou.

Once we reach the Fair City we will indulge in her favourite pasttime of shopping with no utterance of complaint from myself. As soon as her appetite for this is satisfied we will then install ourselves in one of Templebars' hostelries, namely The Foggy Dew, in which we will consume copious quantities of intoxicating liquids before departing for a newly opened Brazilian Barbeque restaurant to savour the taste of meats cooked in the style of her home country. When filled to bursting point we will resume our intake of debilitating fluids and then catch the last bus home. On arrival there, kick of shoes from weary feet, close the curtains and end the day in an appropriate tender physical action.

A Plan in the making!

Waxed Naked 'Lads in womens clothing dry humping Animals.

I jumped to this link from The diary of Samuel Poops (deceased) to find a masterpiece of social comment and understanding. To find something so refreshing, sharp edged and in-line with todays' social mores was like a whiff from a fresh laid, precisely snecked off pile of crap, deposited by the above mentioned. It gives you instant insight into the contents and context that broil in the brain of a 'happening' writer.

Keep up the good work, my man. I will eagerly look forwards to your next submission. I have 'Ctrl D'd' your site and beg subscription from you.

I have never been one to make lists but reading Poops inspired this facsimile of his.

The Not So Magnificent 7.

Seven Things to Do Before I Die

1.      Find out what the attraction of following a football team means - I have never been to a football game in my life

2.      Hope that somewhere in my family there is a decrepit, doddering old relative who has remembered her favourite nephew in her will and left enough cash to supply all current demands

3.      Learn how to use all the bloody electronic gadgets that clutter up my office at home. Yes, I know I bought them but what do I need them for?

4.     Finish writing the childrens' book I started 2 years ago! I thought it would have been a breeze as the words flowed onto paper but I got writers' block after 50 pages

5.    Stop smoking or it is going to be sooner than I thought when I die!

6.     Learn to play the guitar properly. I too like Poops, have owned one for years. (One? I have FIVE of them!) without ever getting to grips with the basics of making it sound like anything other than a cat caught in a mangle

7.      Jump out of a perfectly good aeroplane again trusting in several square yards of fabric to allow me to survive. My doc banned me from parachuting several years ago following a few neck injuries. The most humiliating one coming from a Derby Day barby in Surrey when we were all pissed at night and decided to play in the bouncy castle that we got to keep the kids amused during the day while we got down to the serious pursuit of consuming alcohol and trying to copulate with anything of the opposite sex that had gotten more attractive with the gradually increasing levels of beers and spirits. A resulting attempt at a Backwards Flip (See 1 below) ended in compounding my already damaged neck vertebrae from a car crash - no sympathy required but flowers would be nice!

Seven Things I Cannot Do

1.     A backwards flip (See 7 above) - I had a mate who could just do it whenever he wanted to, even while walking to the pub!

2.      Go and have a crap without a cup of tea, a fag and a book or magazine in my own home. I can do it in other peoples' houses and at work but not when I am sitting on the comfort of my own throne at home. Must be a behavioural thing!

3.      Not watch movies on tv that I already have on a DVD or video of already

4.      Finish to N_F's satisfaction any project at home. No matter how perfect I think it has turned out there is always some niggling little remark regarding my undertakings in the DIY dept - and it is usually - "Why don't you clean up after you?"

5.      Scratch an  itch to the same level of satisfaction as having N_F do it. There is nothing like having an itch scratched by your partner until you obtain that deep down satisfied feeling!

6.      Play the piano - nuff said!

7.      Stop smoking. See 6 above.

Seven Things That Attract Me to Blogging

1.      Knowing that I can give a small bit of amusement to some of those who read this blog

2.      Understand that I am not alone in this pursuit of outpourings of the tortured mind and body

3.      Appreciate that I am not as mentally deformed as I first thought I was - we all are!

4.      Laugh at all the humour that goes on in here that should be on stage

5.      As Mr Poops said, it kills time with the added bonus that it developes my typing skills

6.      N_F knows where I am and what I am doing. (As with Monkey, N_F allows me my freedom!)

7.      It takes my mind off the daily grind of existence

Seven Things I Say Most Often

1.      Why did you buy another jacket?

2.     Where's my wallet?

3.      We are trying to save money!

4.      Why don't you go round to Centra? ( Local Spar equivalent here in Ireland)

5.      That is the last time you get to eat roast cauliflower! JEEZ!

Seven Books That I Love

1.      Anything from the pen of Ian Banks / Ian M Banks

2.      All My Sins Remembered - Joe Haldeman

3.      The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas - I have copies dated 1890 with engraved illustrations that I got as a Christmas present when I was 7 years old!

4.      Spike MIlligan's War Biographies

5.      Haynes Triumph Sprint Workshop Manual - a classic!

6.      A Prayer For Owen Meany - John Irving. One of these days I will finish it!

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again

1.      Blade Runner

2.      Seven

3.      Heat

4.      The Name of the Rose

5.     The Life of Brian

6.      The Man Who Would Be King

7.      2001

Seven Things I Did In The Last 24 Hours

1      Skived for 12 hours at work

2      Had sex

3      Drank tea

4      Phone my mate Marty back home in Scotland

5      Went to Centra

6    Watched Jet Li in The Defender

7      Told N_F I loved her

Well, it was back to the daily grind after Xmas and New Year - a bit quicker than I wanted as I started back on the 31st Dec! But, there are compensations - I am off for 10 days apart from going in to do 2 half day teaching courses. Nae too scabby!

"DingDong!"

"Sir, I represent Eircom and would like to present an exciting opportunity for you"

I don't use a landline

"We have this offer of a reduced payment and increased free minutes you can carry over"

I don't use a landline!

"We can tell by your records that you have an Eircom line to your house but don't use it"

I know, I don't use a land line!

"We have special offers on foreign calls too"

I use VOIP and a mobile, I don't need a landline, thank you

"Would you be interested in connecting to Eircom today?"

No thanks, I don't use a landline. Goodbye!

SLAM!

What does it take to convince these people? They never seem to listen or take no for an answer no matter how plainly you make your response!. I had a mate who was always getting telephoned by one of the UKs biggest double glazing companies and they were trying to force conservatories on people. He eventually gave into the sales call and they were eager to take his details. The voice on the other end was almost drooling as it explained all the advantages of having a conservatory and got round to asking for his address to allow a personal visit from an estimator. "And where do you live Mr Smith?" "Selkirk" "And your address?" " Chapel Street" "What number in Chapel street?" "22B, the second floor"....................Clunk!

At least with a mobile you don't get all that crap!

Well the festive season is in full swing and my head is trying to recover from last nights involvement with shit loads of  Guinness. Funny how at the time there is no thought of the following days agonies!

Had a nice adventure when returning from teaching a course the other week, a stupid blind fucker ran straight into the side of me as I was filtering traffic - a perfectly legal move on a bike. He just pulled straight out from the garage on the other side of the road and took me and the bike out in one go. Smashed fairing, exhaust hanger, dent in the exhaust and multiple dents in me all down my right hand side. No fucking insurance did the bastard have! Said it was my fault as well! I always thought that any traffic joining a main road had to make sure that their entry was clear before proceeding but obviously not across here! I wanted to kill the fucker but was too sore to do anything about it. It is going to cost about 500 quid to fix the damage and the hassle of prosecuting the fucker is too much bother. I would lose my no claims as well as having to fork out the excess as well.

I think I know what N_F got me for Xmas - I applied the Darth Vader technique - I felt her presents! It is hard, squarish and heavy! Sweetie for whoever guesses right!

Can't go to Brazil as we planned for a few reasons - 1) N_F has new contract and no holidays in January - 2) we are broke!

Well enough glad tidings and joy to the world. Have a Merry Xmas and  drunken New Year whoever you are. Cheers!