One of the things not mentioned in my new job description is the opportunity to feel the stress of the everyday, today, at night and at weekends.

I've discovered mind maps. Where have you been all my life?

Last week I managed to upset a developer, the development manager, his manager and the technical director - all in just one email. 4 people whom I've built up a good rapport with over the past 2 years - just on a whim. When the emails started coming back with their reactions, I realised what a mistake I had made in basically ruining their credibility amongst senior management for a little gain of my own. fficeffice" />

This, I guess, is all a product of how I have let the business shape my mind.  Instead of seeing names as people, I saw them as a function, and if I see a function now performing as it should, then I criticise the working of that function and therefore the people. I've noticed recently that this has spread to assessing people outside work too - it's ruining my relationships. All of this struck me at ffice:smarttags" />8pm on Friday night, whilst waiting in the cold for a Docklands Light Railway Train. For a moment, I took refuge in a supposed and warm reality of me ending the baby experience under the 20:07 to Bank. Not having the guts or wanting to inconvenience any fellow commuters by my actions, I considered whether there is space for me to think objectively and personally whilst being in a successful and fast paced environment. 

A while ago I did a course on personal relationships and how to manage conflict. It recommends using sentences like "What impact have my actions had on you" and "Can you say a little bit more about why this is important to you". I guess I can adopt more of these tactful sentences into my everyday vocabulary. 

Today, the business treated me to a party. It was to thank those involved in bringing a certain project to a close. I didn't think I'd go if no-one else I knew was going, but I bit the bullet and went to do a spot of networking on my own. It was so awesome - there were speeches and feel good music to begin with - power ballads and acceptable rock classics proclaiming that we are the champions. This turned to sliky and sophisticated go-no where lift type music later on whilst the guests mingled. I did feel at ease in spite of knowing no-one, eating pork pies, and drinking non alchoholic cocktails. There's apolicy against free booze now as a few years ago, an employee got rather drunk at a similar do(where alchohol was free) and ended up dancing on the stage and then revealing rather more of himself than the crowd ever anticipated. This was of course, very bad taste - bad for the business, bad for the individual.

Even I'm lost for words after last week, it must have been baby's busiest week so far. To add to this, it was the worst week for train delays.

Let me just explain a little bit about the considtions we're operating under here: It has been 2 years since someone uttered to me 'Say, my place at 9?' and since then, I have been in readiness to move on. Afterall, 2 years is the accepted period where people look to other challenges. The rationale being that once someone becomes good at their job, they're no longer useful.

My personal redeployment project received a boost when I heard through the network that a position was available for the taking. Whilst everyone was browsing ebay for Christmas presents, I was thinking longer term rewards (My Christmas project planning also helped here as preparation had been underway for sometime)  Last week was assessment week and so information was gathered together and I presented my personal slant on progress and experience to date.

Meanwhile, unknown to me, from above, another plan had emerged for the redeployment of my skills elsewhere.... If my plan works out it's going to cause a major upset to the ones above me now, but if baby's plan fails it could be 2 more years of similar difficulties that I've faced over the previous 2 years.